10 Weeks Post-op

I'm kind of in a bad place. I had a nightmare experience with my second fill. Went from 4mls to 5.5mls and spent more than 24 hrs not even being able to swallow my own saliva. I had a lot of foam/bubbles come up and slime...ie plegm. I lost 2kg worth of water...but I havn't gained it back. Went back the day after the fill and had an unfill of 0.5mls which was heaps better, although I am very tight. I even got stuck on yoghurt last night.

I'm sitting at 97.6kg at the moment which is over 16kg lost o_O but I still dont feel satisfied with my progress. I don't exercise enough. I often drink high calorie drinks or high calorie "slider" foods. There's been some slight changes in my personal life and a lot of my motivation has gone because of it. I go shopping and get excited to buy a new top...I refuse to buy anything XL but L is still too tight. Even though I know the XL would look 100x more smashing on me now...I just dont want to buy something in a huge size that wont fit eventually. At least if I wait til i'm a large I'll sit in that size for another 10kgs or so.

I'm just not feeling the changes. I know its there, maybe I dont notice it. I don't feel like my clothes fit me any better really. Sometimes I think I'm more messed up in the head than I think. When I went to get my 2nd adjustment the dr. said I'd lost 5kg since my last fill...and I scoffed at it, without thinking. It should be more. I need to stop thinking like that. 16kg loss is amazing. I should be HAPPY with my progress, I should be proud of myself.